- Dolphins: Notorious maritime rapists. Evil toothy grins. Much bigger than me. Always laughing. What’s not to hate?
- Spiders: Spiders are gross.
- Horses: Terrifying penises. In cahoots with snobby white women. Horses will bite you on your hand if they get a chance and their teeth are like grindstones.
- Opossums: They live in my trash and hiss at me when I get near. Their tails are creepy like a mix of rat and pig.
- Sharks: Duh.
- Palmetto Bugs: When I was living down south, they would crawl on my lips at night when I was asleep. I just know it.
- Worms: I am afraid one might slip up my butthole during a blackout.
- Horseshoe Crabs: Their big prehistoric carcasses litter the beach every summer, when I am trying to pretend life is a happier place than it really is. They stink like a hobo’s taint are also very bad to eat, I presume.
- Dragons: Dragons are okay, but fake.