1. Wear it as a hat
2. Send free copies to libraries on Indian Reservations
3. Wear it as a shirt, torn apart and pasted all over my torso
4. Read it very loudly on the MTA bus and pretend it is arousing me
5. Hand it out in the lobby outside Leonardo DiCaprio’s new Gatsby film and tell people: “If you liked that, you’re gonna LOOOVE this…”
6. Send review copies to municipal zoos
7. Steal a billboard
8. Have the cover silkscreened onto the back of doggy tee shirts (tee shirts for dog’s to wear)
9. Tattoo the first line on my forehead and the last line across my butt cheeks.
10. Pretend to be engrossed while reading at bars and cafe’s and keep mumbling a little too loudly to myself, “This guy is really good. I mean….Really, like awesome. God-like, but humble…” and so on.
11. Leave it on the frequently visited grave sites of dead authors with letters that say things like, “Dear Mr. Poe, I hope you will consider reading my book and perhaps give me a short blurb that I could use in promotional trailers or mention at cocktail parties at least. Yours forever, Timmy”
12. Send a copy to the police and the newspaper in an envelope with a note suggesting the book is the manifesto of a local cult funded by drug gangs.
13. Spend hours holding it over my face while masturbating on Chat Roulette.
14. DIY banner ad on the side of a school bus
15. Sell it at small, independent brick-and-mortar bookstores.