List of Reasons to Go into the Woods Alone



1. You are looking for work.

2. You are hiding from your job.

3. You are trying to procure a monolith from one of the boulders you find there.

4. Your friends have passed away but you still enjoy nature.

5. You want to plant drugs but live in a studio apartment in a busy neighborhood where you have a lot of friends come to visit.

6. You like to invade the privacy of animals.

7. You are lost and have been wandering around a field for days. You have to try something.

8. The woods looks more inviting than it really is.

9. The trees sound like they have voices in the wind.

10. You read something where someone else did it and they seemed to have a really good time.



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2 responses to “List of Reasons to Go into the Woods Alone

  1. Of course the list of reasons to not go into the woods alone would ALL be “to avoid mysteriously never being seen or heard from again until someone finds half of your left elbow.”

  2. Yes. Totally. That is the #1 most important reason to AVOID THE WOODS, in my opinion as well. The woods looks pretty neat until they eat your arm off and then the woods looks worse than any urban area you have ever been lost in because every time you turn to ask for help, there is a bear or wolf grinning at you, like “You stupid.” Am I right? Am I right? “Am I right!?!” is what I kept yelling the last time a wolf ate my hand off.

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