A List of Alien Realities (positive and negative and both)

1. Our genitals are located on the palms of our hands.

2. Humans are cold-blooded and sleep on rocks in the sun.

3. Gravity pulls things away from the center of the earth, into the sky, into outer space.

4. Men wear turtle shells. Turtles wear turtle-neck shirts and sweaters.

5. Everyday is your birthday and every party is a surprise party

6. Status is based on the ability to eat inedible objects. The President eats 30-pounds of clay for breakfast.

7. Waterworld.

8. Planet of the Monkeys.

9. Desert takes over the entire planet except for your backyard, which I conquer and divide among your family.

10. You love me.

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