List of Reasons Why My Lists Suck

1. They tend to appear randomly, with no context or relevance to anything that is going on in the world.

2. They usually contain very few, if any, statements that could be described as “true” or reflect my real feelings on any personal level.

3. They most often come in boring, round numbers. Cliche numbers, like “10.”

4. I sometimes give lists of “reasons” for things I supposedly believe but there are no solid reasons. The world is not a reasonable place.

5. They only occasionally contain pictures, and then it is usually just at the top. This one, for example, provides the reader with nothing to look at except my disgusting words.

6. I cannot tag everyone in the world, which is what I would like to do.

7. I don’t use enough exclamatory statements to give each item a sense of urgency!

8. I do not even type or spell check them. I have an attic that I converted into a studio, then into a sweatshop full of Macbooks and child slaves. There are rats too, but I maintain that the child slaves brought the rats.

9. My lists are funny. Not really. They are maybe funny enough to make you type “LOL” in all caps like that, but not actually do it in real life. Not in all caps anyway.

10. Usually the last item is just kind of an add-on, throwaway bullet, when it should serve as an encapsulation or punchline.


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