List of Things That Are Not Controversial to Hate

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1. Stealing from the very young and the very old.

2. Tying turtles to tree trunks.

3. Encouraging teens to huff smoke from their mufflers for a buzz.

4. Driving with your feet.

5. Raping saintly relics.

6. Trading communicable diseases with other fatalistic people who fancy themselves “collectors.”

7. Licking the pavement to get high.

8. Writing books about how tired you are of people writing books.

9. Selling ill-gotten sperm.

10. Stupid internet lists that lead nowhere and provide insight to nothing.

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