The Novelist’s Daily Routine

An anonymous novelist e-mailed me his or her routine. I do not know who they are, I promise.

1. Awoke, told a lie

2. Stretched, thought of lies to tell

3. Sat on toilet, read lies

4. Put on clothes to disguise body and keep warm while lying

5. Sat on couch, went back to sleep, had dream of things that seemed real and true but were only lies created by sleeping brain

6. Ate food, lied in order to borrow a helicopter, I mean motorcycle or spaceship, for errands

7. Moved through errands on nimble toes, lying in order to shorten the length of each errand

8. Came home, thought about narrative, paced, edited a long, complex untruth in my head

9. Paid people honest compliments online for longer than willing to admit

10. Lied on bed in front of book, next to lover, felt glad to be in the real world

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