Excerpt from “The Pollinating Insects”

honey-bees

1. I found out that chocolate would not exist without honeybees so I switched to vanilla because even though I’m only allergic in a minor way, I hate being stung and bees follow me everywhere because something in my sweat makes me smell like a flower.

2. I was once stung in the eye by a bee. He stung me directly in my tear-duct and my forehead swelled up and looked like an alien had laid an egg inside it. I have rarely been able to cry since then, though I often want to, and when I do shed a tear it is made of honey.  Ants eats the tears off my face.

3. The bees are dwindling they say, but I know they are wrong. The bees are hiding. The bees are taking control.

4. I don’t want to look paranoid, so I take that last one back. But still, I don’t mind if they dwindle. I will eat potatoes and mushrooms and things from the dirt.

5. The bees usually die when they sting you. If they do, I have never seen it. I want the next bee that stings me to die while he is still stuck in my skin. I would cover him in plaster and give him a little burial somewhere I could keep him forever.

6. You can freeze a bee and then tie a little lasso of string around its body and when the ice melts, the bee will revive and you can carry it around on a leash, flying above your head in circles, but you should never do this because it is cruel.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s